Personal music

I've never really had the conversation with anyone else, mainly because I feel like repeatedly hearing things is the first sign that I've got schizophrenia, so I'm not sure how many other people experience a phenomena similar to what I go through nearly every week day. I have personal music. This music is never something of my choosing. How it works is that, sometimes upon waking, I have a soundtrack playing in my head that I can't really deviate from unless I actually put on real music of my own (think Oliver Sachs - The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat), or am mentally engaged in something more than just moving from point A to point B. This may not sound that bad, but remember that these songs weren't added to my mental playlist by me.

Let me give you an example: at least once a week, perhaps more, I wake up and get out of bed to the sounds of Smashmouth's All Star (for those of you who don't know this one, it's popular at sporting events, and was on the Shrek soundtrack). Somehow my inner cheerleader thought that this would be the most inspiring tune to play for me while I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and biked to work; it really is like warm-up music at a hockey game, in that it usually disappears when the real action starts and I enter the museum. Still doesn't sound too bad? Try having the theme song from Twin Peaks stuck in your head for 5 days. I was able to divert my inner music to other songs, but with a catch: they had to be other soundtrack material from the show. So, sometimes there is a bit of control over it, but for the most part - like a bad case of hiccups - it just needs to run its course.

So, here I am. Smashmouth has receded into the mental jukebox for the morning, and it's time to throw on my ipod and get to work. If anyone else out there feels me on this one, you know how much of a relief it is when the intrusion passes and you have your personal music freedom back; if not, please don't send the padded wagon for me just yet - I have a Hawks game to go to tonight!


julie said...

I totally know what you mean! My inner jukebox always has me paranoid that it's some kind of mental disorder- I'm always singing something. Luckily, like you say, the mp3 player overrules it when running.
Today, it's Polyphonic Spree's "Sonic Bloom."

yeahdog said...

Haha nice. Safety in numbers! There is a thread on a message board I frequent that has people listing their random neuroses; it's interesting to see how many people share the same inexplicable thoughts, urges, etc.. I guess we're all kind of nuts.
Oh, and I've gone from Smashmouth to Bjork's - All is Full of Love; I can live with that.