Gut reaction

I was thinking about an odd bit of my personality while I was having a conversation with a friend today - the fact that the toughest decision I ever seem to make in life is what to order when I'm eating out. In all other areas of my life, I have always been a bit impressed with my ability to have a strong gut instinct of what I needed to do right off the bat, and the tenacity to stick with it until I get what I want (or completely fail and see the error in my ways). When shopping for clothes I even get a bit smug about the fact that I know exactly what I'm looking for before entering the store and can do a quick circuit and leave if I don't find it immediately.
This skill completely abandons me when food comes into the picture.
What do you want to eat tonight?
No clue
What are you in the mood for?
You choose
Are you ready to order?
I'll go last
Are you ready now?
Which do you think is better out of these two....?

When I do find something on the menu I like, there's usually some kind of bargaining I want to go through - can I get tots instead of fries? Can I get this steamed instead of fried? Can I get the dressing on the side? Can I substitute the chili for the salad? Can I get a fruit cup instead of hash browns? Can you make this spicy, please?

Outside the dinner table things seem so cut and dry for me; the path clear. Very seldom do I have to ask what my options are; I'm working them all out in my head. I rarely ask 'what do you think I should do?' I guess when it boils down to it, food for me is a matter of taste, while everything else turns into a mission - something I can see the end of already (for good or bad). Food is something to enjoy and even create and imagine the possibilities with, while my next step is more methodical and planned out; an inevitability. A necessity and not really open for discussion.

So now it's 'rainbow or pineapple sherbet?' I think I'll have both... Next week I'll be exploring the dining options in Washington D.C. and taking the next couple steps down that path I've been rapidly approaching for the last couple months; I'm sure I'll be well-fed and ready for the journey.

Wound Licking

Day one of unemployment. Woke up at 1pm - nice start there. I went to lunch with my dad at Manny's where I had him look over some documents related to my layoff that I needed to sign and return. Everything looked on the up and up, so I sent them off - I really couldn't imagine all that would have been involved with bringing them in in person: asking permission to bring my car into the lot, having to have someone escort me to the main office area because I would need someone with clearance to swipe me in, having to sign in and out as a guest where just yesterday I was an employee. No, I took a pass on that.

The rest of the day was spent getting ready for my first class, taking said class, and then cooking gołąbki for the dinner we're having tomorrow for my inlaws. It really wasn't a bad day, but obviously something major was missing. Throughout the day friends from work got in touch in one way or another as the word reached them to see if I was doing all right; one of them is arranging a proper sending off get together for next week because she felt I deserved something better than being sent off without notice. In total there were six of us laid off, but only five left because one was found a last minute term position to fill. A huge part of me was hoping that there were more because being one of five in such a huge place makes me feel singled out, even though that's silly. Sad thing is, the museum only saved about 100K cutting our salaries while there are some bigger fish that stay on worthlessly sucking up funding. In the end, it's far easier to cut off the grunts than those with more clout; eventually they will have to make some of those more difficult decisions if they want to make any real strides in fixing the budget, but I have a feeling that won't be for a while.

So now I move on, feeling slightly like I've been dumped by a boyfriend that I should have known all along didn't care as much about me as I did him. My well-meaning friends and family are already trying to help me - sending me job descriptions for sexy new positions that would treat me better, but I know I need some time to grieve and improve myself to be ready to take those on. Hopefully in the meantime I'll post some less emo entries and have some good experiences to keep my mind off it all!